he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
and she was petting her beer can
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
