Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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