and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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