i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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