No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
