sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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