I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
