I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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