I seem to have left my pride at pride
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
