it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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