I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Never joke about your clitoris.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
