Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
