I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wear drunk well.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
