Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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