So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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