When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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