i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
