i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When are your genitals available?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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