I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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