i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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