what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
