Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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