Pregnant stripper...not hot.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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