I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
