I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
