Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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