I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
