sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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