I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
