hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
