I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
