I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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