I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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