he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
