it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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