The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
