I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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