Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
