woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
