So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
