Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
