Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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