It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
