I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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