I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
