my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think my fart just growled at me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
