Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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