It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
