i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
