Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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