i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
