The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
