i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
