I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
