i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize