He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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