i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
