dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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