just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
