when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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