Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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