the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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