Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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