the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
