There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
