Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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