Plan B is the new Plan A
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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