dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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