She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
