I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
