spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
