So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
