So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
