physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
